We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
