i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
