She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
