I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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