Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
