i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
