Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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