My room smells like vodka and shame
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
