In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
