Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
where are my eyebrows?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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