I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Also, beer. Big fan.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
