I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
