Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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