I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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