you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize