I want you more than these girls want KFC
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
