...so i touched it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
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We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm just crazy horny about you
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Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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