I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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