Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
