Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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