i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize