I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
