wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
