Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
