I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just pee around me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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