I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
