hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
