don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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