I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
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I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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