just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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