i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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