So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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