i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
