Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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