They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
