What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize