I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
