I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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