you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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