and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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