The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
