Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
