I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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