Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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