i just wanna soil my oats bro
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm like, not good at living.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
