I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
