get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
