I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
