He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
