just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You took a bar mat shot.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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