so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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