Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
