dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
