Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
