OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
