so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can't turn off my feet"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
