i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he fucked my hip out of place.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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