You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
