i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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