Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
