Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
