So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
