he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
