I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
