new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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