i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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