This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
