'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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