i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
