did you get engaged???
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
